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My Parenting Mantra – Helps Me in the Trickiest of Situations


February 16, 2019 Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Google+ Raising a Parent


My Parenting Mantra – Helps Me in the Trickiest of Situations | Baby & Beyond
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Imagine you are having a bad day. Your help didn’t show up, you were late for an important meeting, you lost an important deal to a competitor and to top it all off, you were stuck in traffic for hours and reached home late too. You are tired, angry, upset, frustrated all at once. All you want is to vent out and for someone to listen to your rant. That would make you feel much better right?

Now put yourself in your toddler’s shoes and imagine what would happen if he were having a bad day. He really wanted to wear the red t-shirt but you put on the blue one, the teacher at school asked him to share his favourite toy, he was served idli but he really wanted pasta and all day he was looking forward to going out to the park with you in the evening but you ended up reaching home late. The child is tired, angry, upset and frustrated too and would want to vent out about his day too. The only difference is that toddlers are still developing the skills required to process and express their own emotions. What comes across as screaming and crying for no reason, sometimes even resulting in aggressive behaviour, is in fact them trying to express how they feel.

Also read: Dealing with a Toddler Tantrum Gently - One Tip that is Actually Working for Me

If I had to say I had one parenting mantra that I always fall back upon when trying to deal with tricky situations, it would be this: putting myself in my child’s shoes. Trying to think like him to understand what he wants to communicate but isn’t able to.

My Parenting Mantra – Helps Me in the Trickiest of Situations | Baby & Beyond
My Parenting Mantra – Helps Me in the Trickiest of Situations | Baby & Beyond

Take the below situations for example:


Every single morning:

When it’s time for me to leave home for work, N suddenly realizes that he is hungry and needs a snack or starts running helter skelter pulling things out from every corner of the house, refuses to get ready for school or simply starts crying asking me to play with him

What I’m thinking: I’m going to be late for work yet again. Why can’t we just have one morning when everything goes smoothly?!

What he’s probably thinking: Mamma is going to be away for the whole day again. I just want some more time with her before she leaves

How my parenting mantra helps me deal with the situation: From the time N wakes up, I am pretty much only with him, getting him ready and sitting with him for breakfast. However I realize that through it all I am always in a rush and pushing him to move faster. That obviously doesn’t count as quality time spent together. Now I try to make it a point to spend at least 10 minutes only dedicatedly playing with him or reading to him right before I leave for work, so that he feels that he has had my undivided attention and goodbyes are a lot less stressful for both of us

Helping hand:

I’m busy in the kitchen and N is playing near me, opening drawers, taking out utensils and pretending to cook as he usually does. Suddenly I hear a crash from the dining room. I rush over to see a glass smashed to pieces on the floor. Apparently N had decided to set the table for us and had taken out the glasses without me realizing

What I’m thinking: Why must he fiddle with all our stuff, why can’t he just play with his toys! Now I have to clean up this too

What he’s probably thinking: I want to help out. I think I’m going to set the table

How my parenting mantra helped me deal with the situation: He was already scared and crying so screaming would be of no use. Instead I said “It’s ok, you were just trying to help out. Thank you for helping Mamma. You are such a sweetheart for helping me all the time. You know what, why don’t you put out these (steel) glasses and spoons. That would really be a big help to me.” Of course we have switched to steel / melamine utensils and N is responsible for laying the table whenever he wants to. This allows him to feel all grown up and responsible too

Usually in these situations, my first instinct would be to lose my temper and scream the things I was actually thinking. If I think about it, in most cases, his intentions are good but he isn’t able to execute them. So what effect would screaming have? Make him feel bad for wanting to help out or wanting to spend more time with me. Discourage him from expressing his emotions.

Instead my momology parenting mantra is to pause, take a step back, put myself in my child’s shoes and try to think of what his intention would have been. Trust me, it takes a lot of patience and self control to do this. Sometimes I just end up snapping at him but I have to remind myself every time why it is important to think like my child before reacting to any situation.

This is probably why it was so important for me to write my book “Diary of a Baby: Candid confessions of a baby from 0 to 2 years” which chronicles life from the point of view of a child. Have you read the book yet? It has been reviewed as a “must read for every new parent”. If you haven’t read it yet, go download it now from here.

The Parenting Book that will Leave You in Splits (written by a baby!)
The Parenting Book that will Leave You in Splits (written by a baby!)


This post is a part of Momology blog train hosted by Thoughts by Geethica, SlimexpectationsMummasaurus and Truly Yours Roma sponsored by FirstCry Intellikit, Instacuppa, Diet Funda, Hugs n tugs, Tina Basu, Unorthodoxpeeps, Lotus Herbals baby and Shumee toys.

I would like to Disha for introducing me in the Momology Blog Train. You can read more about her work at lifemyway.in. I would like to introduce Princy who blogs at clanpedia.com

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Comments
  1. Alpana Deo said on February 16, 2019 9:47 pm:

    Understanding the toddler’s view point is very important before we think of reacting. But reverse happens. You rightly said that they haven’t developed the skill to express what they are feeling. And we need to encourage them in coming to us and explaining it on their own way. Otherwise the results is cranky, clingy child.
    #Momology

    1. Baby & Beyond said on February 19, 2019 11:34 am:

      Yes well said Alpana

  2. Princy Khurana said on February 16, 2019 10:26 pm:

    exactly, it’s important to understand what the child is going through and feeling. wonderfully written #Momology @clanpedia

    1. Baby & Beyond said on February 19, 2019 11:33 am:

      Yes that’s very true.

  3. Surbhi Prapanna said on February 17, 2019 11:54 pm:

    I like the way you had converted and explained each situation to a positive one. indeed parenting is hard and we have to be mindful and patient while dealing with tricky situation #Momology

    1. Baby & Beyond said on February 19, 2019 11:33 am:

      Glad you liked it. I really believe that in most scenarios, the kid’s intentions are not really bad but they are not able to convey or execute them the way they want to.

  4. Aesha Shah said on February 20, 2019 11:21 am:

    Mahak, you are an awesome mom. Indeed one needs a lot of patience to pause and think before reacting. The situations are so real. It happens all the time. And not only with younger children but also with older children of Mishti’s age. Many times she wants to be with me in the kitchen but I discourage her, now I know she wants to be with me. Thanks a lot for this post.

    1. Baby & Beyond said on February 21, 2019 3:04 pm:

      SO happy to know that this resonates with moms of older kids too. Thanks Aesha.

  5. anupriya said on February 20, 2019 1:48 pm:

    hey Mahak, Long time no see dear! Just re-read your book from last years AtoZ challenge and had some hearty laughs. Even this post, puts things in an all together different perspective. Loved it.

    1. Baby & Beyond said on February 21, 2019 3:04 pm:

      Hello and thank you so much! Yes I haven’t been much active since I started working but hoping to change that 🙂

  6. Geethica Mehra said on February 22, 2019 4:36 pm:

    We are always running and feel as if the world will come to an end if sit for just 2 minutes. Your post has so real confessions and i know we as mothers react impatiently first. But I have also learned so much and still learning. Patience is the king of all qualities.
    Thank you for participating in momology.

    1. Baby & Beyond said on February 22, 2019 4:37 pm:

      Yes Geethica, rightly said and it is so in line with what I have written in my second post too!